It's the first Friday of 2008, late at night, sitting here alone and trying to figure out a way to say "I'M sorry" to a woman who trusted me and trusted in me, one that I love very much and I know although she is very hurt, does love me.

One that has done everything in her power to show me how much she loves me, is willing to do for me as well as what lengths she is ready to go to for me.

This woman is by far, no ordinary woman. She is the one I was meant for as she is for me.

This woman was willing to give up everything known to her. Her comfort zone, her settled roots of her hometown area...everything for me.

Albeit, she said wherever I would be is where she wanted to be.

Yet, I continue to pull away from her hurting her more and more each time.

Why is it I can not just follow my heart to this woman and be damned to everything else?

Why is it I am so afraid of letting completely go and surrender my heart and my love to her as I know I should?

Am I that afraid of my own love for her?

Am I afraid of getting hurt again?

Am I afraid of living in the now again? Or am I being a damn fool?

I have had several deep relationships in my life but none have ever been so deeply involved as this woman has gotten me.

For years all I could ever do is dream of the day we would be together as one heart, two minds and yet be so close that we would look like one body.

One body, one heart intertwined in each others arms, gazing at each other like we have known each other all of our natural lives.

Never wanting to look away for fear of missing a movement, a smile, a sigh or even a breath of each others.

Never wanting to be any further away than skin to skin from each other. Yet, that is too far away.

What have I to offer her? Nothing but me.

What is it she sees in me?

What is it that she loves so much to let it cause her such pain?

Why am I being such a fool?

She is one in a million. She is one very kind hearted, grounded, thoughtful, trusting, affectionate, loving, generous woman that no man can resist. Yes, I am very biased when it comes to her.

Open Arms by Journey has been our song for many years and yet even with its own meaning, it has a very special one of its own to us.

We have been in the middle of a busy casino and yet we only see each other.

We have walked the beach of coastal Mississippi and yet only felt each other presence.

We have driven for hours and seen nothing but each other.

We have sat on top of Mt. Cheaha at a scenic overlook and wanted to see nothing but each other.

We have carried on conversations for hours at a Waffle House talking about nothing and yet everything drinking coffee til the wee hours of the morning.

We have talked for hours on the phone the same way.

And yet, after all the talking we still do not want to hang up the phone.

She has listened to me sleeping, ok, snoring on the phone because I just didn't want to let go and hang up the phone.

She has listened to my nonsense, humoring me in ways that most would find abnormal.

Made love to me in places and at times some would look at as freakish, or have never even dared to think of. Let alone think of carrying on like that for as much as 7 straight hours.

Sat and watched the sun set to just watch it rise the next morning.

Looked at the moon because I would be looking at it several hundred miles away while we talked on the phone.

We have had many times, oh yes, good and bad. But nontheless, those were "Our" times. Not some made up fictional time or place. But, real and closely felt in our hearts like no one else was there.

We have danced to the music and not only heard it with our ears but felt each and every note, feeling and word with out hearts not noticing that others watched our slow dance of love.

We have had many experiences that have left us breathless, physically, mentally and emotionally drained on numerous occasions. Did we just roll over and go to sleep? No, we would talk or start all over again. We lived in the moment with each other so often.

Then she would go her way and I mine, not knowing when the next time we would be graced with the presence of the other.

I miss this woman so much that my heart pains me so.

The years I spent in the Marine Corps trained me for many things in life, but nothing like what I am feeling right now.

What an ass I am for turning our relationship into what it has become.

To this very special and beautiful woman that I would gladly lay down my life for.......I say this "I am sorry for causing you so much pain".

This prayer I found while looking around.

This goes out to all of our Mothers. Mine, like many others have passed and on this day I think of her more than usual.

Most Gracious Heavenly Father,
We thank You for our mothers to whom You have entrusted the care of every precious human life from its very beginning in the womb.

You have given to woman the capacity of participating with You in the creation of new life. Grant that every woman may come to understand the full meaning of that blessing, which gives her an unlimited capacity for selfless love for every child she may be privileged to bear, and for all Your children.

Watch over every mother who is with child, strengthen her faith in Your fatherly care and love for her and for her unborn baby. Give her courage in times of fear or pain, understanding in times of uncertainty and doubt, and hope in times of trouble. Grant her joy in the birth of her child.

To mothers You have given the great privilege and responsibility of being a child's first teacher and spiritual guide. Grant that all mothers may worthily foster the faith of their children, following the example of Mary, Elizabeth, and other holy women who follow Christ. Help mothers to grow daily in knowledge and understanding of Your Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, and grant them the wisdom to impart this knowledge faithfully to their children, and to all who depend upon them.

Assist all "spiritual mothers", those who, though they may have no children of their own, nevertheless selflessly care for the children of others -- of every age and state in life. Grant that they may know the joy of fulfilling this motherly calling of women, whether in teaching, nursing, religious life, or in other work which recognizes and fosters the true dignity of every human being created in Your image and likeness.

We beseech You to send Your Holy Spirit, the Comforter, to all mothers who sorrow for children that have died, are ill or estranged from their families, or who are in trouble or danger of any kind. Help grieving mothers to rely on Your tender mercy and fatherly love for all your children.

We ask your blessing on all those to whom You have entrusted motherhood. May Your Holy Spirit constantly inspire and strengthen them. May they ever follow the example of Mary, mother of Our Lord, and imitate her fidelity, her humility, and her self-giving love. May all mothers receive Your Grace abundantly in this earthly life, and may they look forward to eternal joy in Your presence in the life to come.

We ask this through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, world without end.
AMEN.

Well, some things men are not good at is remembering the things that they should......oooppppssss... Let me see if the doghouse will fit me or not here...

1-Nickname other than my blog name:

Rockin Robbin

2-What color are my eyes?

Brown

3-What frightens me most?

S-P-I-D-E-R-S!...I tried to spell it slow as not to scare you....

4-Favorite song?

Take it to the limit...of course

5-Favorite color?

Crimson Red...duh!

6-What will I always be wearing?

I can think of two things...1. Black Onyx Ring and the other is the Rose tattoo with our initials for leaves...

7-Favorite sport to watch?

Bama Football......Rolllllllll..Tide, Roll!

8-Name 1 of my pet peeves?

Can think of several, but the one that comes to mind most is when you are talking to Bev and she doesnt let you get in a word edge wise or goes over the same thing a dozen times in less than 20 minutes on the phone

9-Favorite flower?

Well Sweetie...it's the Rose you have for a tat or maybe the Pansies...safe bet either way to me....

10-Hair color...?

From my point of view Brunette or as you have said before...whatever the bottle says it is....

I for one have not, and never will!


It was a slap in the face of the Americans. The innocents. The Mothers. The Wives. The Daughters. The Sons. The Fathers. The Husbands. The Sisters and Brothers. They all died that day, just for showing up to work.


Our life, Liberty and Freedoms we so often take for granted. These things we so cherish were shaken to the very core this day.


As a former Active duty Marine Corps Staff Sergeant, and even today I would gladly stand next to my brother in arms to defend our great nation, again, against all enemies foreign and domestic to keep such a thing as this from happening again. Would You??



Yes, by God and all that is Holy, my fur is ruffled and will stay as such until we can catch each and every person that tried to destroy what no man, woman or child can physically touch. And that is what we hold so near and dear in our hearts. Our way of life, as Americans.





Where were you on that day?

I was at work, just came into my office building in Hoover, Al, when I happened to stop by the break room where the TV was playing the local news, when they stopped and started showing the live feed from Manhattan. I could have been pushed over by a feather. I stood there feeling so helpless, so angry, so mad that someone could do such a thing. It brought tears to my eyes and even now 5 years later it still does. Yes, believe it, a weeping Marine, for my heart was broken that day for travisty of what had happened had shaken me to my very soul with my beliefs of protecting the men, women and children of this great nation as was so inbred in me by my upbringing and my Drill Instructors. God, Corps and Country. That is all that has ever really mattered to me. How about you??

Major Pain, as I am certain of you reading this....I know you are not leaving just as of yet, but I want to publicly say this, go with God as you cross the pond to carry on our cause. Be Well, Be Safe, God Speed and return home to us soon.

To all those that have come back from fighting our enemies, I say very loudly "WELCOME HOME!".

I have said my piece, which is by all means not all of it. I shall step down now and let a few others say what they have to. If "ANYONE" cares to discuss this further about my feelings fo God, Corps and Country...I shall be out back behind the wood shed....of course my .45 will already be aimed at your sorry butt!

SEMPER FIDELIS.....Always Faithful

You lay collared at my feet.

I tousel the tendrils of hair matted to your face.

The fear eminates from your body, as tears fall from your eyes.

My voice breaks the silence, stern and evil, and resounds through out your body.

You begin to shake.

With a gentle tug, you rise to your knees, I look into your eyes, you lose your breath.

You won't misbehave again, will you, my pet?

As you shake your head no, I take hold of your wrists, binding them with hemp rope.

The roughness of the rope reminding you who and what you are.

I pull you to your feet, You feel my eyes wandering over you, licking your lips, I feel your shame wash over you.

You feel vulnerable, open, and afraid.

My caresses surge through your soul, a fire you can not hide rages through you.

You feel the tingling in your limbs grow...you feel faint.

Once again, you feel my fingers tracing your lips, and your cheeks.

So beautiful...you feel the words, a faint breath in your ear.

The madness in your body heightens, my sinister ways have crippled you..you can no longer fight what it is your body craves.

You can not speak, for the punishment would be sound.

You are at my disposal, at the mercy of my every whim.

I feel your body tighten, the whimpers a faint murmur under your breath.

Yes, the beating would be sound if you were to cry out.

You can no longer hold this inside, you throw your head back in ecstacy, and inadvertantly, a moan escapes your lips.

This cry for release has been answered.
"That's my pet", I whisper.

"You know who you belong to", whispered as well in a deeper, more demanding tone of voice that cuts through you like the cold winds of winter.

My warm breath is almost enough to bring you to that glorious precipise yet again...then nothing.

You feel nothing, see nothing, hear...silence.

You feel my gaze penetrate your very being.

I am very pleased.

I remove your restraints carefully, gingerly. I stare into your eyes with passion, and love...